


Lovemarks

by Alren_Ki



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Blood, Cause I enjoyed writing it, Gratuitous use of hyperspecific shades for Sweet Voice Rhymes, Hurt/Comfort, I am but a Smol Polyam and I will not end this shit on a manogomus note, I hope y'all enjoy this mess, Misunderstandings, Multi, The other title for this was Pop Go The Ears but I like Lovemarks Better, This is edited but like. Barely, This thing is a Monster compared to most of my shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alren_Ki/pseuds/Alren_Ki
Summary: Gordon has never been good at controlling what he says in anger, Benry has never been good at reading when he's gone too far, Tommy's never been good at controlling his abilities. This is bad for all of them in rapid succession and entanglement. But, At the end of the day, they've gotta remember just one thing.Blue to StarlightYour Gonna Be Alright.
Relationships: Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, Bubby & Gordon Freeman, Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Comments: 5
Kudos: 125





	Lovemarks

**Author's Note:**

> If you want an authentic Rensperiance with the vibe for this mess, Listen to Friends with you over and over again until you hear it echoing in your ears.

Benry had poked the wrong nerve. Gordon had snapped. Things spiralled. Even as both shouted at each other over the couch they couldn’t remember what started it. 

“I never even fucking wanted you here fucker! I wish you’d just fuck off!” Gordon snapped, slamming his prosthetic hand down on the counter next to him in a burst of fiery anger. Benry tensed in place and gave Gordon a look that he couldn’t tell between fear and anger. He shrugged and grabbed his nearby backpack.

“ok feetman, point taken, cringeass benry’s fucking off.” Benry hummed in his normal monotone way of speaking. Turning towards the door. Gordon opened and closed his mouth uselessly in surprise.

“Benry wait-” He started but the guard was already out the door. The only indication of his upset being he closed it just a bit harder than he normally would. Benry was barely aware of Gordon’s distressed expression out of the corner of his eye but brushed it off. He started heading towards the side of town he’d been sleeping in before he planted his ass back in Gordon’s life, stupid stupid stupid, of course Gordon wouldn’t want him there. He never wanted Benry around, especially not after the hand. It was just a matter of time before he had wasted the last of Gordon’s patience and gotten kicked out. No amount of Joshie calling him Uncle Benwy would get him in Gordon’s good graces now. Benry continued berating himself in his head, only barely watching where his feet landed. He was interrupted by running into a pole, or so he thought until the pole squeaked in a familiar manner.    
  
“yo hey tommy” Benry hummed from the ground, staring straight up as the pale face with its golden freckles that made his heart skip slightly in the way only him and Gordon could cause looked down at him, frowning in worry. Benry hated to worry him and pushed on his most neutral mask.

“B-Benry what on earth are you doing over here? We’re nearly two hours away from Gordon’s house.” Tommy’s frown deepened and he began to fiddle with Sunkist’s leash anxiously, oh shit Sunkist was here, he must be really out of it if he didn’t notice that.

“just ah, felt like takin a strrrrooolllll, maybe visit my good pal tommy, you know, pull an epic gamer move” He rambled off, Tommy’s frown grew deeper as he leaned over to help Benry up.

“What aren’t you telling me Benry?” The scientist spoke carefully, picking his words slowly with years of experience as Benry’s friend flicking through his mind. The guard tensed once he was on his feet, face flickering for a brief moment in what Tommy recognized as panic but anyone else might guess as anger from the way his lip pulled back. 

“....got in a cringe fight with feetman” He mumbled. It was no use hiding from Tommy of all people. He could have sworn that smelling secrets was part of his super badass alien powers but it pretty much only applied to Benry so it was probably just practice. “got kicked out n stuff, big fail, do not pass go and collect 200 type of shit” Benry smacked his lips and shrugged it off like it was no big deal. Tommy looked thoughtful for a second, translating the Benry-Speak in his head. 

“Oh, uh, would you, would you like to stay at my place until you two work it out?” Tommy offered with a smile. Benry returned it with a tiny quick of his lips in return. 

“sure thing bro, i’ll crash at your epic gamer pad, bros night, we can watch that fuckin… aaa.. detergent show you like, n play some tetris n shit” Benry let the tiny smile drop back into neutral, it felt uncomfortable to hold expressions for too long, Tommy got that he was still cool. Tommy beamed at his response and grabbed his hand quickly, starting to drag Benry down the street with Sunkist shooting him a look before bounding happily along her owner. Benry took his feet off the ground and let Tommy drag him like a Benry-Shaped Balloon to his house.

===

Gordon stared at the door, panic keeping him frozen to the spot. Fuck fuck fuck. He didn’t mean to say that. He just couldn’t fucking SHUT UP could he. The door started to blur as his head got light. Oh he was hyperventilating again. What a great time for that. Just perfect. His legs started to wobble and he sluggishly moved his hands to catch himself when he inevitably fell. The door opened and a pair of strong hands intervened before he had to.

“Hello- Gordon!” Dr. Coomer’s voice broke Gordon out of his distant panic fog as the older man quickly crossed the living room and got Gordon into a nearby chair. “Gordon, Remember your breathing exercises! I would hate to have to wake the neighbors calling an ambulance because you passed out again!” His voice was jovial as ever but Gordon was distantly aware of his frown and worried green eyes as he slowly got his breathing back under control. The room came back into clearer focus as he got the proper amount of oxygen. Groceries abandoned by the door, spilling over. Bubby picking his way into the house behind Coomer with a mild sneer before seeing the state Gordon was in. The more fire-prone member of the science team dropped his mouth into a hard line that Gordon had learned to recognize as worry.

“What the fuck happened?” he snapped quickly, setting his own bags down and beginning to tidy up what Dr. Coomer had dropped, which was coincidentally, all boxed things and frozen meals anyway. Gordon was slowly calming down but his voice wasn’t quite back yet so he lifted his shaky hands, once again thanking whatever god might pretend to watch over him that he thought to learn asl and teach the rest of the science team.

[Benry, Fight, Left] Dr. Coomer and Bubby shared a look as Gordon let his hands drop to show he was done. They didn’t say anything out loud however and Bubby quickly went to put away the groceries and get Gordon a glass of water. The man drank it in a scarily short amount of time and Bubby scoffed when he came up coughing, and got a good natured punch in the elbow for his troubles. 

“Ow Fucker, don’t use the metal one!” Bubby snapped, making Gordon snort. 

“Don’t stand on my right side when you make fun of me then” He poked back between coughs. Bubby exaggeratedly rolled his eyes and turned away to hide the grin seeing Gordon bounce back brought to his face. Once he was sure Gordon wasn’t about to melt into a panicky paranoia puddle again he went back into the kitchen to make the four of them Dinner. He made enough for Benry to, but without much hope. Joshie was next to get home and started chattering off about what happened to him in school and Gordon’s brief slip was quickly forgotten in his bright energy, and the minor fire Bubby started when Joshie demanded to see Fire Grandpa do the sparky thing again. 

===

Benry was outside again. He was outside a lot when he started to think about Gordon. It was easy to tether himself to Tommy’s little apartment and wander. It cleared his head. And part of him hoped he’d run into the object of his pondering, perhaps coming to find him or ask Tommy where he was. It had been a week and a half since the disastrous argument now. Normally Benry would have slunk back in like a sad dog with its tail between its legs again and Gordon would pretend not to notice and Bubby would snap at him for a day for wandering off before instantly getting thick as thieves with his fellow mischief maker. But it wasn’t normal. Benry went too far. Something glinted out of the corner of his eye, about at waist height, and he spun around with snark already on his tongue to see an older man with a cane and a scar on his forehead instead of Gordon. He held his stupid, sarcastic grin intentionally as his heart sunk.  _ Too Far, Again,  _ his head supplied. He waved to Tommy’s neighbor as his, son maybe? Came out of the house behind him holding his phone up and tapping a button to make it say ‘Movie time!’ over and over again. The man shrugged off his strange behavior and pushed inside his house as Benry turned around and let the forced smile drop. Tears slowly following. 

“way to go benry, now you're the cringeass failguard” He hissed to himself, starting back towards Tommy’s. Thinking as he did. He should probably give Gordon’s hoodie back. It's not like holding onto a piece of someone who would never want to see you again was healthy or whatever. At least that's probably what the therapist Gordon had been dragging the whole group to with him would say. He flinched at the thought of Gordon having to explain his sudden absence from Gordon’s support mob to her. Yeah, better to give it back. Even if the idea left an awful taste in his mouth, worse than his own blood and bullets from the final battle, worse than Dr. Coomer’s cooking even. He was pretty sure it was from guilt as Sweet Voice slowly began to trail from his mouth, A dark bluish green to a dusty gray.  _ Seawater to Silt means you feel a deep guilt _ as Tommy would say. Benry shoved all thoughts from his head and focused on his tether, the Sweet Voice shifting to a purple and pear color as he zoned out hard. Tommy would find him later, still singing purple to pear, staring at a photo of the science team together silently crying. Tommy frowned, his eyes flashing gold in his worry as his distress kicked his powers on briefly. Maybe, maybe he should talk to Gordon instead, if he was being this unreasonable. That’d work, he could sort all this out. And make his friend happy again. He Would! He could feel it. 

===

Tommy waited at the end of Gordon’s driveway, holding Sunkist’s leash. He figured a nice walk with the three of them was the best way to confront what was going on. It had been another half-week since Tommy had found Benry dissociating and crying at a photo of the group before Tommy could find the right way to ask. Gordon exited the house and waved at Tommy with a smile. He was wearing a long sleeved exercise shirt and a pair of gym shorts, not surprising, while the hev scars extended to his legs he didn’t feel quite as uncomfortable about them as he did the ones on his chest. He jogged over to the pair smiling and Tommy found himself matching the smile despite himself. They began their walk talking about nothing in particular as Tommy carefully picked his words in his head. Making sure they couldn’t do any damage in case he accidentally got too distressed. He didn’t like how he had to be so careful, but, he understood why his dad talked so stiltedly now. Gordon didn’t really notice his quiet, or if he did he attributed it to a semi or nonverbal spell. He was waiting for the right moment when.

“Hey this is kinda awkward but, have you seen Benry?” Gordon hit the topic with all the grace of a sand blinded charging bull. Tommy bristled and pulled to a stop, stopping Sunkist and Gordon as well, Sunkist whined, sensing an uptick in Tommy’s distress.

“As, as if you don’t know!” His voice was higher then he’d like it. A sudden spout of anger raising it into the squeaky range. Gordon blinked and opened his mouth but Tommy cut him off, even though a sharp sting in his mind said  _ wrong, wrong, wrong _ at the action. “He came home and stared at the photo I have of you crying in the dark for an hour yesterday! What did he do that made you suddenly so mean?! Can’t you see he’s been trying to get better at being nice and stuff, can’t you, can’t you see he loves you?!” He finished, before blinking in surprise and starting to glow, no no no he wasn’t supposed to say that! That was Benry’s secret! He wasn’t supposed to reveal secrets! He chanced a glance at Gordon. The man’s eyes were wide in shock and he was opening and closing his mouth rapidly. That was a bad reaction! He would hate Benry even worse now! Benry would never feel better and it was all Tommy’s fault! His hair started to flow and the tears at the corners of his eyes started to gain the same golden glow as his pupils and float as if no longer held down by gravity. 

“Tommy I-” Gordon finally managed to get out but it was too late to stop the panic train now.

“No no no you weren’t supposed to hear that you can’t hear that  _you can’t hear_ **_me_** ” Tommy didn’t even notice until it was too late what he said. Gordon let out a scream and grabbed at his head as his ears began to bleed and Tommy starred in frozen shock. Oh. Oh No. The tears came harder as Gordon began to fall. Tommy quickly ran to catch him. He could feel Gordon breathing hard. Another panic attack. Oh no what did he do? He swallowed. He must look like some distressed living golden glowstick. Which house was closer? His. He could get Gordon to safety and call his dad. His dad would know what to do. But Benry was there! He didn’t want to let him know he’d accidentally told Gordon his secret! And Gordon definitely wouldn’t let Benry help! His own breathing kicked up a notch and Sunkist let out one sharp bark, tugging at her leash to ground Tommy. He took a deep breath. His house. Yes. One thing at a time. Gordon’s injury first. He struggled the heavier man onto his back, swallowing hard and forcing the tears to stop spilling. One Thing At A Time. He’s Got this. He began the walk home, twisting reality around him to make it take no time at all the way his dad had started to teach him. 

Sunkist rang the doorbell for him and Benry opened the door in no time at all, he looked surprised to see Tommy struggling with someone on his back. Tommy could pinpoint the exact moment Benry recognized the blood covered face on Tommy’s shoulders. He saw his heart drop to his chest.

“Ben- Benry I fucked up, I said something wrong and I tried to take it back but I messed up the words and I need your help I’m Scared-” Tommy began to blabber, not even taking a breath. Benry nodded and silently shuffled aside so Tommy could stumble in. Taking Gordon from Tommy as the man belined for his phone and the written number his dad had left. 

===

Gordon blearily opened his eyes. Something cool was brushing against his face. Why? Oh, they must be wiping away the blood. He could barely hear anything. Even his own head was strangely quiet as he tried to speak. It was a slurred mess from the pain and how out of it he was. He asked for Benry and a thick thumb gently brushed next to his eye, making him look up and see the worried face of the guard who’d been missing for several days. They opened their mouth and although Gordon couldn’t hear it he saw the Sweet Voice twist around them. A deep blue to a silvery color.  _ Blue to starlight means it's gonna be alright _ he remembered Tommy telling him once, when Benry comforted him through a panic attack. Tears bubbled up unbidden and he lets them spill over. A rough sob being torn from his raw throat. He expected a jab of some kind, he expected to be able to make a joke about how vulnerable he was right now, face covered in blood, curled in Benry’s lap, unable to hear fuck all. Instead he felt himself pulled closer and Benry’s claws slowly and gently starting to work their way through his hair as he was rocked gently, so as to not agitate his ears. Gordon breathed in with a sharp gasp and swallowed even though it hurt and forced his voice to work. 

“Do you really love me?” he asked, shakily reaching up and pressing his cold, metal right palm to Benry’s cheek. The guard looked surprised at the question then slowly, he began to sing Sweet Voice into the room. Pink to Yellow.  _ Of Course I Love You Fellow _ . Gordon felt his heart catch in his throat and shifted his hand to the back of Benry’s neck and pulled his face close enough their breaths mixed. Benry pushed the rest of the way and kissed him softly. Gordon smiled weakly and his eyes drifted back closed, and he fell asleep safe in Benry’s arms. 

===

G-Man arrived after deciphering enough of Tommy’s sobs to know he was needed. Knocking on the door he was greeted with his distressed son. Tommy’s tears were floating still slightly, but the glow was fading. He launched himself at G-Man’s chest and tangled his lanky arms around him. G-Man slowly wrapped his arms around him back, patting his back slowly and awkwardly. 

“Its. Ok, Thomas. I am here” He soothed as best he could. Tommy’s sobs slowly evening out. He gently guided his son towards the kitchen and fetched Tommy a glass of water like he had read you were supposed to do. Tommy drank slowly, breathing evening out fully. “What, Happened?” G-Man tried his very hardest to make himself sound concerned instead of annoyed or disappointed. Tommy didn’t flinch and he quietly declared victory. 

“I, I said something I shouldn’t have said, and I panicked. I didn’t want Gordon to have heard it. I didn’t pay attention to my words and then Gordon’s ears started bleeding and I panicked more. I got him back here and called you before I could mess up anymore” Tommy looked down at his hands, picking at his yellow nail polish nervously. G-Man began to slowly pat his shoulder. Waiting for him to calm down again.

“You, are not at fault, for a mistake, Thomas. Although. I do not, Know how or If, I could fix this. I am sorry.” He said evenly. “But, I will try, For you, and your friends. And if I cannot. I will see. If I can at least. Make the doctors job, easier.” He promised, still patting Tommy’s shoulder. The demi-human looked up at his father, his tears were the normal type now, falling down his cheeks completely clear. 

“Really?” His voice cracked and G-Man felt an odd tightness in his chest. An anger at the world for teaching his son that tiny, scared voice. For making him believe he needed it. He simply nodded, letting the patting hand rest and squeezing Tommy’s shoulder reassuringly. Before letting go and striding towards the living room. The Guard was there, with Gordon cradled in his lap gently. Still breathing out bits of pink and yellow. His face had been mostly cleaned of blood, but his ears were still coated in them from a warriness to bother them. G-Man put a hand out to rest it against the side of Gordon’s head but Benry snarled at him sharply for the unwarned movement. He looked at the guard with a cocked eyebrow and he settled but still eyed the man warrily. He looked at the warp of reality around them and grimaced. Gordon’s ears were crumpled and twisted in his view. It was unlikely he could offer but the bare minimum of repairs. It would be better to call an ambulance. He flexed his fingers to ease the damage as much as possible and stepped out to make a call.

===

It had been a day since the incident that had left Gordon with permanently damaged hearing. He was home safely from the hospital and laid in bed. Tommy slipped into the room silently, hoping he was still asleep. Even with his fathers words anxiety and guilt gnawed at his stomach. He should have been more careful, He should have thought it through more. He should have he should have he should have. The things he could have done differently haunted his thoughts as he sat down on Gordon’s bed and turned to watch him, and Benry. Benry. His heart tightened painfully and he bit his lip hard. He’d tried to stop wanting after Benry had told him about his crush on Gordon. But. Crushes don’t listen to reason do they? There was a stirring from Gordon and Tommy almost bolted before a warm hand laid over his and his heart did another twisty flip flop. He looked back and locked eyes with Gordon. He shivered as he felt a thumb rough from callouses rub against the back of his hand. 

“Do you love him too?” Gordon is still loopy from painkillers but his eyes are sharp enough Tommy knows he’s seen through him. He looks away in shame as he nods, rubbing his eyes and sniffling.

“But, But he loves you, and has you, so, why would I make him choose like that?” His voice cracks painfully, raised up so Gordon can hear him, thankful Benry sleeps like the dead whenever he does sleep. He tries to tug his hand away but Gordon just holds on tighter as he laughs in the way only someone out of his mind on painkillers can. 

“Who says we’d have to choose? You’ve got a big heart Tommy, Big enough for all the love you want to give, and hold all the love your given.” He pulls Tommy’s hand closer, twisting their fingers together. Tommy’s eyes were wide and vulnerable, hesitant. 

“Really?” his voice cracked again and Gordon smiled, pulling his hand up to kiss the back. Oh. Oh so you can have two crushes at once. That's nice to know. Tommy’s pupils pulled into the shape of hearts as Gordon nodded back off, still holding his hand. And the distress and anxiety and guilt melted down to the background as Tommy climbed up, and tucked against the men he loved. It was going to be alright. Blue To Starlight. They’d make it Alright. They had love on their side after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoever can guess why I called this Lovemarks first wins a medal. If I've already told you it doesn't count :>  
> Also I wanted to make the words Tommy put power behind Gold but HTML editing gives me a headache if I don't know what I'm doing.


End file.
